Monsters of the Morning

Sweet, sweet 5:30 am. You might say this is when the true side of somebody comes out.. but I'm pretty sure that's just not true. What comes out isn't your true self but something more straight out of Where the Wild Things Are: a childish, grumpy, grumbly hairy creature. Such is the case for me and my family right now. Add in a touch of neurotic, just to spice it up: dad tells us all to get in the car about 50 times before anyone actually does, mom frantically makes us get out our licenses just to double check we have a photo ID, then dad gets in the car and unknowingly makes us nuts by asking us to do this yet again... the ride to the airport filled with constant "did you remember to pack this," even though it's too late to go back anyway so it doesn't really make a difference if you packed it or not. Everyone is significantly more snippy and on edge than usual and showing sides of themselves you don't often get to see. This reminds me of a very early flight back from a trip to Miami I took with my friends and brand new roommates a couple of years ago, when the roommate we'd really just met not long before a bit frighteningly declared, "Do not talk to me until I have my coffee," and boy, she really meant it.. and she didn't get a chance to have said coffee until we were all checked in. Later this became something we all joked about, but lack of sleep and caffeine don't always bring out the best in people. So why on earth am I writing this right now, you ask? I'm certainly groggy and grumpy just like the rest of em, but if there's one thing college has prepared me for, it's being up writing things while severely sleep deprived.
Colorado here we come...


- Posted from my iPhone

Sleep Deprivation

I’ve been awake for the past  36 or so hours, with the exception of an almost 2 hour nap.

The amazing thing is that I’m not all that tired.  This morning when I had to go into work at 7 AM, boy was I exhausted (not that it’s unlike anything I’ve done many times before), but I woke up enough to get through it.. at 2 when I left, I was finding the drive home challenging and was experiencing very small spurts of slight dizziness - or more like the feeling of drunkeness.. but somewhere during my efforts toward the endeavor I like to call “the boxes” (i.e. cleaning out my room), my mock-inebriation cleared up somehow, and, amazingly, this whole night I haven’t felt any more fatigued than during an average evening.  I’ve been awake and alert, feeling kind of normal night owl -ish.  It is only now that I’m finally settled into my bed (with a lovely sleeping girl next to me, mind you) that my drowsiness is starting to catch up to me.  Indeed, as I’m attempting to compose this my eyes are beginning to droop and my breathing may or may not be slowing.  Just thought I’d note an observation I made this morning: it almost never fails that in that strange state of sleep deprivation that I feel creatively inspired.  There’s a balance, of course - there’s a point where you’re so tired that your thoughts aren’t very coherent and the last thing you could do is write something.  But this morning, going to work on my two hours of sleep, (even though I was miserable) I was in that wonderful state of groggy awareness where all I want to do is listen to introspective Coldplay-type music and think, reflect, write poetry.  It is a state of being that has often struck me when I’ve been in a similar state while in the midst of a Falvey Library all-nighter.  Sometimes during that hell-period, I couldn’t help but take a walk through the strangely still, near-deserted campus with a mystical sounding song on my ipod (Your Love Means Everything always comes to mind when I think of these times) and feel this type of inspiration that isn’t usually available in daytime full-awareness.  Why, in losing a large chunk of my awareness, do I gain something else perhaps better, in a way... I lose all “normal” productivity but often produce something that eludes me during daily life: insight.